why b[other]logging

My 2007…hell of a ride, wasn’t it? well, it might not mean anything to you but it does for me. that doesn’t mean that 2007 has been totally shit for me, it’s just that i felt that there were so many things i could have done the other ways or there were some things that i should have done more.

however, if i were to turn back time, i think i’ll leave everything as is. that’s my past, it’s a fact, that’s what make me umm….myself, no point changing the past. we just gotta suck it up, take it in the chin like a man and move on (shaz, 2006). as a matter of fact, i like being in pain. remember my highschool days, i always looked forward to go through another day of torturous training session on the track or the field; and i always hated competition. apart from being a tool to measure my improvement, competition only make me anxious, whereas after each gruesome training session, i know i ‘m definitely better than i was earlier that day. No pain, no gain!

apply that to life, any difficulties that you came across in life (and doesn’t kill you) will definitely make you a better person. instead of stopping and grieving, i’d march on instead (but it wont be easy). no point grieving over spilt milk, the world wouldn’t stop for me and neither would you….

yea…the world wouldn’t stop for you and neither would i…

I‘m just a normal man
i wouldn’t hurt nothing at all
but here we are…

My heart hurt from the pain
but still i march on faith in hand
cause this is love
this isn’t what i planned
i wanted to be so much more
but this is love…

I shed tears for her
but i was weak
i won’t drop a tear anymore
not even for you
cause i’m stronger…

I felt like shot in the chest
the round lodged in my heart hurts so much
but like the men in a battlefield
they moan in agony
and shiver in fear
but with their head held high
never they shed a tear
and keep soldier on….

US marines are famous for their loyalty among their brotherhood. that is why the US marines‘ motto is semper fidelis, meaning always faithful in latin. you are always treated as their family regardless of how long you’ve served with the marines or how long you’ve quit the force: once a marine, always a marine. and of course, this doesn’t apply to a loose bunch of dickheads who dishonoured the marines!

This sort of brotherhood can be found among our civvy life too: if you are honest to your mates and it happens that your mates are also some top blokes, that forms the strong bond among you guys. this is why my mate, callsign sierra-one, as well as all of his mates were surprised when he received a laptop computer from his housemate cum defacto brother, callsign delta-one. not a brand new laptop, nor a flashy, powerful laptop but hey, that’s one of the most noble act one can do for their mates. delta-one is definitely recommended for Medal of Honor (yanks’ spelling).

You might thought that, delta-one might be some rich dude buying his friendship with a used laptop…negative, be advised, delta-one is not a rich dude and definitely not buying off his mates, i say again, it’s a very honourable act of him to do that. makes you think, why on earth would he do that?

well, i’d say i know sierra-one well enough and this is my own reconnaissance report:

1. sierra-one is a very sincere friend - whenever there’s a mate pinned down by any sort of difficulties, sierra-one would be the first to be there to provide cover and reinforce him/her without second thought or care for his own safety

2. sierra-one has always been generous - according to himself, he won’t put money before mates, that is why he never complained about sacrificing his privacy living in [literally] the living room and paying the same rent as the rest of the blokes! in fact, he’s the one insisting paying the same rent. so, delta-one MIGHT thought that it is fair enough to fork out some contribution in repaying a mate in need

3. delta-one is sick and tired of sierra-one using his laptop and infecting it with virus, spyware, worms and you-name-it, subscribing child-porn and got delta-one in trouble with Australian Federal Police, having cyber-sex with granny on webcam, causing a mess by ejaculating on the screen, causing the porno dvd to stuck in the dvd drive, hogging the laptop while delta-one is dying to jack off over his own computer, and last but not least, overheating his laptop and causing a fire in the kitchen =/

Hmm…about time i start borrowing my mate’s car and burn his garage, oorah!

*juz kidding, bro and thx 4 d idea *

semper fi!
victor-one, out.

seeing that pretty much everything has calmed down for a while now so i decided to declassified the post time of changes [pt1] to the public for referencing, that’s if anyone gives a flying fuck at all.

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don’t know
We don’t know.

D. H. Rumsfeld
12 Feb 2002

You might have learnt something in life and feel like applying it. Well, you might know your shit but think again, how about those you don’t know you don’t know. Life survival guide 101 tells you that the unknown unknowns are those that you really have to keep an eye on. problem is, where to look for when you don’t know exactly where it is. well, i say, you won’t find one until you look back your life.

I believe that every single one of you went through the period of being a disobedient child when you hit puberty. i still remembers clearly how much i fought against my mum when i turn 17 and it never got better till i finish highschool and continue my voyage in overseas as a tertiary scholar. i was like, oi, i’m technically a grown up now and i can think on my own, now why wouldn’t you listen to me this time?! i would prove myself wrong years later after been through life without your loved ones. fair enough, i wouldn’t know what went wrong until i look back my life and hey, this is the first time i learnt something important in my life. another thing i learnt well is age is merely a number, turning 18 doesn’t mean that you practically are an adult. what really matter is how well you learnt in these years.

Fast forward time, i’ve been living away from home for almost 4 years and into a domestic partnership for almost 3 years. then again, put aside the numbers as they are insignificant to what i’ve learnt over the years. i would held my head up high and say that i am mature than before, even my mum was quite surprise with a different me. thinking that i could handle more than my own life, this is when i started to take things for granted. eventually, i would prove myself wrong again. i was actually trying hard to be mature, in the end, i’m just my mum’s little boy.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. i strongly believe in this saying and i move on very well with my life after my break up, looking for the youth life that i’ve lost over the years. it’s just another lesson in life and the experience would help me as well as my friends who are in need. it was the support from my friends that i had when i was going through the hard time of my life, so i sincerely feel like helping out friends whenever they have problems, by physical means or by counselling. this is when i start to feel invincible….again! now looking back at times when i thought that i’m so good that i know everything, i didn’t realise that i have forgotten to keep track on the telltale signs of the unknown uknowns

Man…how many times will i have to repeat my mistakes?? it’s fair to say that we never stop learning but for the time being, i feel like a jackass…

In the wake of a series of rather disturbingly images distributed on the internet such as this one, i have an important announcement.

For the sakes of MANkind, we have to stand up, fight the infidels and dominate the world again. one man can’t fight a war; i would need an army to do it, we few, we band of brothers, till die do us apart but not forgotten. I would like to take this opportunity to lead Taskforce Tango Delta in a mission codenamed Operation Tyler Durden, which commences at 1240 AEST today. I now officially declare war on these pet owners, JIHAD ON ALL PET OWNERS!

Now you will be armed with this image to defend yourself.

Rules of Engagement: DO NOT engage until being engaged upon. we are not uncivilised animals such as pets. Engage with this image whenever you identify any image similar to what i’ve shown you before. Now you have a mission to accomplish and make us proud, godspeed….OUT

Hokay! First of all, people has been asking where time of changes [pt1] is, some in a condescending way, i might add. Due to new stringent censorship on my blog, time of changes [pt1] will be barred from public access indefinitely until further notice. however, special exceptions will be made upon request. shaz, i’ve sent you a link to my duplicated blog. anyway, through my reliable intelligence source, it has been confirmed that my hypothesis in my previous blog is spot on, showing that my instincts never failed me. loyal (or bored-shitless) readers will understand what is going on and for the sake of OpSec (Operations Security), it is a breach of policy to disclose the classified content to the public.

In my previous blog, i mentioned that i am happy with the single life i have at the moment. well, not anymore. seems like a change has occured…. NO! not that i’m in a relationship now; for some godforsaken reasons, i’m not totally happy with the way it is now, i wanted more than a single life. damn, i’ve been happy the way it was for the whole summer, why change?….WHY??! well, italian philosopher vincenzo’s first 2 Laws of Change applies here.

        vincenzo’s First Law of Change: CHANGE IS IMMINENT
        vincenzo’s Second Law of Change: CHANGE OCCURS WHEN YOU LEAST                                                                              EXPECTED

Right, basically this is what had happened last night. out of good will, i’ve brought this lonely chick to a party in order for her to meet more people as well as making new friends. above all, this is an opportunity get to know her better because my instincts told me that she showed interests in me. since i’m not a person who neglects my comrades when i’m around with chicks, so i invited one of them too and both of us had been taking care of that chick the whole night. Halfway through the party, i went to look for my other comrades. see that? i dont neglect my brothers!

On the other side of the dance floor, i knew the chick was already tipsy, so after a while, i thought it’s better to have a latest SitRep (Situation Report) from them. i went on for a S.A.R. (Search And Rescue) mission. i had a glimpse of them but i was like nah, they wouldn’t be hugging, would they? i went on patrolling the dancefloor twice and finally, i had a positive identification.  yes, it was them hugging on the couch. so i approached my objective and had a debriefing, she was totally gone at that time.

Kay…i’ll spare the details, use your imagination! at D-day: H-hour: M-minute, a happy night out came to an abrupt halt and changed totally (vincenzo’s Second Law of Change)…i still couldn’t describe the feelings up to now, it’s just strange…is that the feeling of being a loser? well, i know this guy and he’s definitely not into her. he also told me that she was the one who launched the first strike, which i believe him from the bottom of my heart because i’ve knew this guy for half of my life. and again, due to OpSec, no identities would be disclosed to the public. it’s okay, Bob, i never blamed you and never will, you did not breach the rule of engagement. even IF (big if) worse things happened, i would still put brudders before chicks. we are brothers-in-footy and i will never leave a comrade behind, dead or alive. ooh, dayum, i feel better now after writting this blog. lets hope that she’s not into him, and hope that it’s just something she did out of her conciousness……….aww, fuck that. my life won’t change with or without her. I WANA GO FISHING TOMORROW!! nothing beats spending time with family and/or friends. in a nutshell, life is, indeed like a bowl of salad (Jay, 2006). sometimes, you get the sweet fruits; sometimes, you get the sour souce; sometimes, you get the tasteless boring vege. but life is good, like a bowl of delicious salad.

OMG… for Christ’s sake, i shouldn’t be thinking of this kind of bullshit now. i should be planning my new life as a masters student or at least worrying who’s the daddy of my ex’s soon-to-be-born baby. well, i’m 99.99% sure it’s not mine but if shit really does happen, this will literally change my life….

*ps. i’m recruiting more intelligence officer. if you can spot a hidden name in this blog, you have qualified yourself a place in ASIO or CIA.

CHANGE  happens around everyone’s life and yet it is the most feared. Change is imminent and sometimes, it happens at the time when we least expected.

Not convinced yet? take it this way… once a person gets a job (particularly first job) with stable income, he/she would stick to the job to keep the money flowing in to pay the rent and living expenses, even if he/she is unhappy with his/her boss, colleagues, working environment or whatsoever. ahhh…sense of security, you fuck it up or the company suddenly changes its policy, you’ll definitely loss the sense of security. probably there’s another better example, which even people without a job would have gone through it. a couple who have been together for while and quite happy with their relationship but suddenly (or slowly) one or both of them might encounter the ultimate hurdle. it could be one (or both) of them started seeing someone else, or they couldn’t see the future in their relationship. would you stick the way as it is, since you are quite happy with what you have now? or do you take the challenge to make a change for better?…or worse? so it’s gamble between having everything or nothing; or play it defensively, having at least something.

i broke up with my ex because she couldn’t see the future in our relationship. it happened so sudden as if i was hit by an falling airplane from the sky while cruising easily on an empty highway. i told her why don’t we leave everything as is and do whatever she wants after both of us finish our studies at the end of the year, which is like 3 months away. actually, i have seen it coming, i couldn’t see far away in our relationship but it happen a lot sooner than i expected. looking back myself, i feel like i’m being a wuss but then again, i was afraid of the change, especially after we’ve been together for 3 years. eventually, i sucked it up and took it like a man. due to various complication, which i’m too lazy to elaborate here, we decided to stay under the same roof until we finish our studies (of course we seperated to our own rooms!).

3 months went by like turbo kicking-in @ 30psi, it’s time for us to head our own way and i was sooooo looking forward to live a new live and this time, with guys again!! on the last night of moving, the feel starts to sink-in. for the past 3 months, we still see each other most of the time, talked to each other and help out whenever the need arose. it’s difficult to explain the feeling of moving away from someone you’ve been living with for the past 3 years, what’s going to be changed in the future? no doubt, this time it’s for good but this is a big change. anyway, meh…never thought about it by next day and never look back since then. quality time with mates IS THE BOMB!

2006 is the change of my life. but i accept this change with my arms widely spreaded. in previous years, i’ve changed from an outgoing, adventurous wild kid into an inconfident introvert (another long story) doing things the safest way and easiest route as possible; in another word, A BORING WUSS! almost the whole of my 2006 was spent working my ass off in uni and work, gave myself highest expection and 110% in anything i do. i’d be studying at college during the weekdays, finishing my assignments in the weekends and working my casual job during holidays; i have literally no life just to make sure that i dont fuck up my studies and work! my break-up woke me up and i had my best summer ever in my life, no regrets!

Fast forward to 2007, which is only 3 weeks old. i can smell something big is changing ahead and it’s happening soooo fast. i’ve been enjoying my single life so far with my mates, fishing, throwing bbq parties, bbq dinners almost every single night, LAN games, watching foxtel, men’s talk till dawn on the balcony (particularly with a beer or 2) yada yada yada…it started at this bbq party at my place 2 weeks ago, towards the end of the bbq, i spent some time chatting with a chick i first met at the beach a month ago. after the bbq, i was hoping to see her again the following weekend, which we did. we spent a great weekend with our friends as well as spending some private time having a good chat or two. unlike my ex, she actually made an effort to get to know my friends, which is one of the main criteria of my future girlfriend.

All looks good until i suddenly start kicking myself in the head and realising that i might not be ready for a change yet! it’s too early to speculate about relationship since we really knew each other for how long, 2 weeks? but at this pace, it’s gonna happen later if not sooner. if this relationship is imminent, how is it going to affect my current life? best case scenario would be not much because the people she and i hang out are the same bunch anyway. having said that, quality time spent with fellow blokes would be compromised.

The more i think about it, the more i wanted to be sure what am i doing next. more issues came across my mind. we actually have very different personalities, which i’ve already knew. she is a very submissive and emotional person who comes from a very polite family background or culture; unlike this wild, outspoken (or at least trying to be) party animal. compromise is inevitable in relationships but it’s not fool proof, i knew it best from my last relationship. this would lead to another issue, why was i attracted to her even though we are abyssal apart in terms of personality! was it because she’s the only chick who pays attention to me? she pays attention to every friends but it’s fair to say that she does it more to me.

This issue has been floating in my head for a few days and it’s seriously fucking my mind. in depth analysis as well as precise blueprinting is needed to commit myself into anything serious and definitely NOT NOW! honestly, i wouldn’t know how to answer if she ask what our current position is. if i have to do it now, i must find a way of clarification without hurting her feelings or make her felt being cheated, remember i mentioned that she’s a submissive and emotional person? or even worse, i might thought that it wouldn’t work out after a period of serious consideration? This change is definitely freaking me out! well, at least for now….